How to support someone after a loss

How to Support Someone Who Has Experienced a Loss

Grief has no universal words or "right" reactions.

Every loss is a deeply personal experience that changes a person — their plans, their vision of the future, and their ability to move forward.

Understanding Loss

  • Loss is not just sadness — it is trauma: shock, anger, yearning, sleep disturbance, loss of appetite.
  • It changes one’s identity, sense of self, role in life, and view of the future.
  • Losing someone close means losing everything connected to them — plans, goals, dreams.
  • A grieving person needs to be "heard," not "fixed."
  • Grief has no timeline; everyone moves through it in their own way.

Being Present Matters More Than Words

  • Say "I’m here with you" instead of "It will be okay."
  • "Being there" doesn’t always mean sitting next to someone. It might mean buying groceries, picking up their child from kindergarten, walking the dog, or paying bills.
  • Listen without judgment and without trying to "solve" anything. There are no words or actions that can "fix everything."
  • Sometimes just being silently present is enough.

Support can be physical — or "a phone call away."

What Not to Say — Invalidation and Pressure

Invalidating phrases:

  • "Time heals everything."
  • "It’ll get easier with time."
  • "Don’t cry, it’s not the end of the world."
  • "Many families are going through this."
  • "Focus on the positive."
  • "You should be grateful for what you have."
  • "Maybe it’s for the best."

Pressure phrases:

  • "Pull yourself together, be strong."
  • "You have to move on."
  • "Don’t cry."
  • "Just let go."
  • "He/she wouldn’t want you to be upset."
  • "You’re overreacting."

Such words create pressure and block emotional processing.

Comparisons, False Positivity, and Religious Consolations

  • "Others have it worse."
  • "At least you still have your children."
  • "God takes the best ones."
  • "They’re in a better place now."

Comparison, forced positivity, and religious explanations can hurt and add emotional pressure.

Questions That Can Retraumatize

Avoid asking:

  • "How did it happen?"
  • "Do you still think about him/her?"
  • "How do you plan to live now?"

Such questions intensify pain — often there is no answer, or answering is too difficult.

What to say instead:

  • "I’m sorry."
  • "I miss him/her too."
  • "I’m scared too."
  • "I see how hard this is for you."

Words should show sincere support. Offer specific help, such as dinner, a walk, or daily tasks — without any pressure.

Conclusion & Advice

  • Let the person grieve at their own pace.
  • Support the form of mourning that suits them — crying, talking, remembering.
  • Be there — quietly or actively — depending on their needs.
  • Support is not a quick "cure," but a willingness to stay close and help.
  • If unsure what to do or say — ask directly.
  • Take care of yourself — you can support others only when you have strength.
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FAQ

What is the Care Service of the 12th Azov Brigade?

AZOV.Care is a non-governmental organization and part of the Medical Service of the 12th Special Forces Brigade Azov of the National Guard of Ukraine. Its primary function is to provide continuous support and comprehensive care for the brigade’s service members following injury or release from captivity, with an emphasis on long-term recovery, preserving functionality, and returning to active life.

Azov became the first brigade to implement the necessary changes to its organizational structure. It was a matter of principle to logically position the Care Service within the brigade’s organizational framework, which is why it became part of Azov’s Medical Service. This allows us to ensure continuity of care throughout every stage of a service member’s treatment, rehabilitation, recovery, and reintegration. This approach creates a unified care system focused not only on treating trauma, but also on preserving human potential, professional expertise, and service members’ roles in society.

Is AZOV.Care the patronage service of the Azov Brigade?

Unlike patronage services, the 12th Azov Brigade’s Care Service covers a much broader range of support for Azov fighters who have sustained injuries or been released from captivity. Our fighters do not require "patronage"; instead, they need to learn to live independently with their new experiences. The Care Service’s mission is to help fighters focus on their recovery while the AZOV.Care team addresses other challenges and provides support.
For this reason, the unit is more accurately described as a care service rather than a patronage service.

What does AZOV.Care do?

The primary mission of the Care Service is to provide continuous support and comprehensive care for brigade service members who have sustained injuries or been released from captivity. AZOV.Care coordinates treatment and rehabilitation, supports service members’ physical and mental health, provides medical assistance to fighters released from captivity, and helps the brigade’s veterans with readaptation, resocialization, and professional reintegration.

AZOV.Care is a unique system that provides a complete cycle of care for service members — from the moment of injury or release from captivity through functional recovery, return to active life, and reintegration into society. The service brings together medical, psychological, social, and reintegration support within a single care system aimed not only at treating the consequences of trauma, but also at preserving long-term human potential, professional experience, and quality of life.

At the heart of AZOV.Care’s approach is the understanding that fighters with injuries, as well as those released from captivity, need more than fragmented assistance. They require continuous, comprehensive recovery, in which every stage — treatment, rehabilitation, psychological support, training, and adaptation — is part of a unified process focused on restoring functionality and enabling full participation in society.

When and why was AZOV.Care created?

The AZOV.Care service was established in September 2024 in response to a challenge faced by every military during an ongoing war: how to preserve its most valuable asset — its people.

The key catalyst for the establishment of the Care Service was the Resolution of the Cabinet of Ministers of Ukraine No. 948, "On Certain Matters Relevant to the Introduction of Care Services for Military Personnel, Civil Protection Service Personnel and Officials, Police Officers, and Their Families," adopted on August 20, 2024.

AZOV.Care became the first — and one of the most comprehensive — services of its kind within the National Guard of Ukraine.

Its work began by supporting Azov service members released from Russian captivity on August 24, 2024. Since then, we have continuously expanded the care system, broadened our areas of support, and developed a network of partners to provide service members with assistance at every recovery stage — from treatment and rehabilitation to their return to active life.

Several months after the service was established, the AZOV.Care non-governmental organization was founded to develop partnerships and exploit additional opportunities for the long-term support of service members and former prisoners of war.

We firmly believe that people are not a resource, but the nation's most valuable asset. Supporting service members' recovery is not only about caring for individuals — it is about preserving the strength of the unit, strengthening society's resilience, and securing Ukraine's future.

Who can contact the Care Service of the 12th Azov Brigade?

1. Service members of the 12th Azov Brigade who have sustained injuries or been released from captivity.
Brigade service members can rely on support throughout every stage of treatment, rehabilitation, and recovery. The Care Service helps coordinate medical treatment, rehabilitation, prosthetic care, psychological support, education, and career guidance. We are committed to making the recovery process as effective, systematic, and humane as possible.

2. Active-duty service members of the 12th Azov Brigade.
Active-duty service members can contact the Care Service for support with treatment for physical illnesses, psychological and psychiatric care, rehabilitation, education, leisure activities, and professional development. We strive to ensure our service members have access to high-quality care and support throughout both active service and recovery.

3. Veterans of the 12th Azov Brigade.
We work with educational programs and partner organizations to support our veterans as they transition to civilian life. We provide educational opportunities, retraining, employment assistance, psychological support, and adaptive sports programs. We also place a strong emphasis on veterans' social integration and active participation in civilian society.

4. Families of service members of the 12th Azov Brigade.
Spouses, children, and parents of service members may apply for psychological support, learning assistance, and participation in support groups. We understand how difficult it is to wait for a loved one while coping with the challenges of wartime, and we strive to make that journey less lonely and more supportive.

Comprehensive support for service members of the 12th Azov Brigade throughout their journey from injury or release from captivity to their return to active life.